oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
