Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
