I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
