I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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