his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
