Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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