I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
