It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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