so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
