my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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