i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's even glitter on my cock...
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