I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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