i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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