You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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