I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
