Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
