I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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