If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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