You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
where am i from again
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Randomize
