at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I AM VODKA MAN
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
