I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
