I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
