She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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