ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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