My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
