he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
