I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
