Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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