nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she looked like the before picture.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
