I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
