Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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