sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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