dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
