I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
