after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
