why im i the only drunk person in the library?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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