I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
