they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
