WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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