he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
