So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
