Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
