So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
