Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
