She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
