and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Ketchup is God's man juice
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
