No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
