i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
