Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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