new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
