he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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