for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
