The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
